


ground control

by gravitational



Series: what if [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 10:13:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17423942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravitational/pseuds/gravitational
Summary: Shiro's absence grows harder to bear with each passing day.





	ground control

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place a good while after Shiro's disappearance in season 2; canon until that point.
> 
> "Ground Control" - All Time Low

The cockpit of the Black Lion is empty and silent, just like always. Keith moves carefully nonetheless, climbing up into the pilot’s seat as delicately as he can; somehow, despite the lion’s acceptance, he still feels like he’s intruding. He settles in with a deep, trembling sigh, looking through the lion’s eyes at the hanger around them. The other lions are sitting dormant, but Keith knows they can sense him. They always can.

For a long while, he’s quiet, tired eyes on the controls in front of him. Finally, he clears his throat, saying aloud, “Hey, Shiro. It’s, uh… it’s been three hundred days.” The words taste bitter in his throat, and he pauses, lowering his head. “Three hundred days,” he repeats at last, and looks up again, searching the darkness of the cockpit. “You’d think it’d be easier by now, but it’s not… it’s actually gotten harder. For - for everyone else, too, but… mostly for me.”

Nothing but silence answers him, and he closes his eyes, letting his head fall back against the seat. “I miss you,” he says quietly. “You don’t know how hard it is, trying to lead them… Black lets me pilot her, yeah, but - but I’m not you, Shiro, I never will be. I’m never gonna be. I know you’d call bullshit, but it’s true.” Keith hesitates, then huffs out a bitter laugh, remembering days long past. “Even back at the Garrison, you thought I’d be something. Scrawny little kid nobody loved, but you did… somehow. Maybe not in the way I loved you, but it was enough for me.”

Keith is quiet again, listening to the quiet hum of Black’s machinery around him. The sound is different than that of Red, although he can’t quite place how or why. He still doesn’t feel entirely at home in Black; he misses Red. God, he misses Red, but he knows he can’t go back - not yet. Probably not ever. There’s no way Shiro will come back now - not after nearly a year.

“Everyone thinks you’re dead,” he says, fighting the emotion welling up in his throat. “I don’t know anymore. I’d go out every day at first, looking for you… hell, I still do, but… there’s nothing.”

Around him, the lion seems to stir, a tiny light flickering blue nearby. Keith watches it, daring to be hopeful, but it dims as quickly as it had flared, and he sighs, visibly deflating. “You’re not even here,” he murmurs, voice choked with tears that threaten to spill. “Not even in Black.” Somehow, saying that aloud makes it hurt worse, and he coughs to clear his throat, teeth digging into his lip hard enough to bruise. “Not even in Black,” he repeats, and then suddenly he’s crying, sobbing, doubled over with his head in his hands.

He doesn’t know how much time passes before the ache in his heart subsides, allowing him to suck in a trembling breath and sit up straight again. “God, I’m sorry,” he whispers, voice choked and raw. “I’m sorry, Shiro, I’ve - I’ve tried so hard to be strong for you, but I can’t, it hurts - “ The blue light flickers again, brighter this time, and his eyes dart to it once more. “Shiro?” he asks softly, and it flares brighter, Black’s inner workings humming louder around him. “Are - are you there…?”

Black subsides into silence, and the light slowly fades. Keith chokes on the ghost of a sob, looking away - down to the controls at his sides. He knows how to pilot Black nearly as well as he knew Red, but somehow, at night, he feels foreign, unwelcome. Black may tolerate him, but he knows he can never replace Shiro. “No one ever can,” he says aloud, and huffs out a bitter laugh. “I loved you, Shiro. I still do. I never got the chance to tell you, but… I guess you always knew, didn’t you? You knew everything.”

He closes his eyes, breathing out a shaky sigh. “I still love you,” he repeats, his voice resigned. “I’m not gonna give up, Shiro. I don’t care how long I have to look… I’m gonna find you. I promise.”

Keith falls quiet once again, slowly calming down. Inside the Black Lion is the only place he feels truly safe now. Many nights - more often than not - he’s come to sleep in the cot here, when his own bed is too cold. Now, even the thought of having to leave is enough to make him nauseous.

“I can't stay here tonight," he tells the darkness, exhaling slowly and raking one hand through his hair. It's been days since he showered - he can't quite work up the energy to do anything more than exist. "Pidge and Hunk want me to help them cook for tomorrow morning... said it'll keep me distracted. I mean, I guess they're right, but... I'd rather be here with you."

He sits there, focusing on the rhythm of his own breathing and the dull hum of Black's machinery. If he's quiet, if he closes his eyes, if he doesn't remember, he can almost pretend Shiro is beside him. He can still feel his presence sometimes, a warm, reassuring aura at his side in the Castle halls or in the heat of battle. Many nights, he's fallen asleep imagining the weight of Shiro's arm around his waist - but then he opens his eyes, and the illusion is gone.

Keith heaves a slow, trembling sigh as he sits upright, looking over the control panel. It glows a dull blue-gray, dormant for now. "I'll come look for you tomorrow," he says quietly. Forcing himself to his feet, he slowly turns to leave. Something makes him pause at the doorway, his eyes on the floor. "I love you, Shiro," he finally whispers, and departs.

As he goes down the ramp, he misses the blue light, slowly flaring brighter before it goes black.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments / criticism welcome. Seriously, y'all. Later!
> 
> <3


End file.
